New Twin Peaks… First Impressions

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Co-creators David Lynch and Mark Frost have made things easy for me… Since many of my regular readers will be more than aware that I’m a a monumental Trekkie and practically all of my Twin Peaks “reviews” feature at least one reference to my favourite science-fiction franchise.

Well, Ashley Judd makes an appearance as Benjamin Horne’s business associate. So what? You may ask… or not? But I don’t care! I merely write these articles to be entirely masturbatory. I write for myself, goddamnit and if you don’t like them then there’s plenty of articles in this vast myriad of bullshit we call; WordPress.

So… Ashley Judd, wonderful and sexy’ Ashley Judd. You know, she’s prolific in the women’s rights movement. Fuck, seriously? Do we really need women’s rights in the 21st century? Is humanity that fucking dense? Every person on the planet comes out of a woman and there’s enough arseholes out there to justify having a discussion about gender equality? Fuck this planet, it’s dumb as shit and I’d rather hang out in the Black Lodge, in monochrome with Carel Struycken and a crazy tree with bubblegum stuck to the top… why the fuck aren’t we equal? What’s the problem!?

Sorry, I swear, the older I get the more of a feminist I become or as I like to refer to myself; a rational human being. Anyway, Ashley Judd appeared in a couple of episodes of The Next Generation as Ensign Lefler. She appeared in one of the best episodes and also one of the most hilariously awful episodes and I’m totally going to focus on the latter.

So… it’s the fifth season of Star Trek The Next Generation and Wesley Crusher is on holiday and visiting his “mom” and the rest of the Enterprise crew. But Riker being Riker has fucked some lady on the pleasure planet of Risa and he’s brought back a game that Trekkie’s affectionately called; “suck disk”… it’s a virtual reality game that give you high doses of dopamine by sucking up disks and eventually the entire crew gets hooked like it’s a 2016 university campus with a shit load of Pokémon Go gyms.

I know what you’re thinking, am I writing about Twin Peaks of Star Trek? But just like David Lynch I’m traversing against the grain. I’m not giving you what you want because this series outwardly refuses to do so, so why should I?

Was there much of Twin Peaks in the first four episodes? It’s hard to “Ashley Judge”… fuck… yeah, that was pretty bad.

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I think it’s fair to say that there’s more of David Lynch in these first four episodes than there is actual Twin Peaks. If you’re a fan then you’re basically a pig in shit. This is pure, 100%, fifth gear’ David Lynch. We start with a guy who is watching a glass box, he’s being paid to do this and it’s incredibly cryptic. From what I gather, this guy is almost like that die hard fan who has spent too much time (in front of a box) watching countless murder mystery TV shows in vain hope that one day Twin Peaks will return. Maybe it’s a metaphor? Maybe it’s not?

Part 1

We’re also teased with scenes taking place in a couple of familiar locations. We revisit Ben and Jerry Horne. Ben’s still the cigar chomping businessman, Jerry is still exceptionally eloquent when describing a food product, in this case he’s talking about banana bread that is laced with THC. But as much as they’re the same, they’re also different. Gone is Jerry’s kinky leather duster, gone is Ben’s overly active sexual libido. We also catch up with Dr. Jacoby who is… well… let’s just say that David Lynch might be trolling us since we end up watching paint literally dry. And we also revisit the Sheriff’s Department with Lucy, Deputy Andy and Hawk.

Episode ---

But something is missing and it is staring you right in the ears. The familiar, comforting soundtrack that played throughout the first two seasons in nearly missing but this is certainly intentional.

We’re certainly building up to something here and I just can’t wait to digest the next episode but would I say that I actually enjoyed watching the first four episodes? Honestly, no. Was I intrigued? Fuck yeah! Was I confused? Totally! Will this new season turn out to be just as good as the first? Only time will tell but I know one thing. David Duchovny’s acting was on point, he was great as returning character’ Denise… it’s a shame his recent turn in the new X Files felt as wooden as Margaret’s log.

The Log Lady returns but her presence is understandably melancholic. Sadly, actress’ Catherine E. Coulson was dying of cancer at time of filming and it is as heart-wrenching as it is obvious. Tears stream down her face as she speaks to Hawk and in a way you can tell that this is Catherine’s way of fortifying her legacy. She’s an integral part of Twin Peaks, the popular culture surrounding this glorious and unique series.

So to see her one last time was both joyous and exceptionally sad.

Kyle MacLachlan in a still from Twin Peaks. Photo: Suzanne Tenner/SHOWTIME

Cooper returns, sorta… and it feels like the focal point, the mystery of season three is really about Cooper’s journey back to Twin Peaks. I just hope he gets there sooner rather than later. I want the old Cooper back. I want to see Audrey Horne, I want to see James and Bobby either butting heads over a quarter of decade rivalry or finally burying the proverbial hatchet. I want to see a happy end for Laura’s “mom”; Sarah Palmer who, at the moment is just drinking and smoking while watching animal murder on a massive TV.

I can see how this new series could be polarising. Since many enjoyed the soap opera styling of the original as well as the typical Lynchian weirdness and at the moment we’re mainlining David Lynch right into the veins. We’re practically being enveloped into a surreal nightmare with hardly any holes of familiarity to take air in. Our comfort zone and our preconceptions have been thrown to wind and while some might hate that, I relish in this new frontier of outright weirdness because abiding my a recognised formula is boring as fuck.

We need change to grow and to evolve so let’s celebrate the return of one of the most notorious shows to ever grace television screens. Twin Peaks is back!

Meanwhile

I’m going to keep this article short because I’d rather save the good shit for my season three “reviews” but I will give these four episodes an arbitrary rating and that rating is… Four blue roses out of five space boxes and something to do with a cars cigarette lighter… seriously? Man, that first few scenes of the third episode… I thought my brain had totally capsized.

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